So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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