3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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