When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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