Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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