Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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