you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
