Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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