Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
