Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
