we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
