i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
