Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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