also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
