Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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