just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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