im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
