Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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