Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
