i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
