I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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