new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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