I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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