remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
