i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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