i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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