So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
