i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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