Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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