Pappa wants mamma naked
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
