My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
