I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
