The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
