my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
