umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize