i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
