yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
