I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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