I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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