bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i need some magic done to my vagina
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
