....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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