sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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