Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
