walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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