May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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