You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
