I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
