I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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