Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
