ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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