I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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