Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
