May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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