allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize