U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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