So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That accounts for only three of the penises
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
