i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize