so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
