Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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