just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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