My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
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