the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
