Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize