Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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