Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
