dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
