Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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